Turning Half a Century

The Backstory

I was born on my father’s 50th birthday and we always celebrated the day together. He died unexpectedly when I was 20. That was probably the last year I was excited about my birthday.

I couldn’t wait to turn 20 and leave the teenage years behind me. By 30 I had finished studying, was married and had done a whole lot of travelling. Hitting 30 seemed to be a rite of passage to enter into my next decade on the planet. When I turned 40 I was 7 months pregnant with our third child Lettuce. I didn’t have time to worry about my age. I was stressed about the prospect of raising a newborn with Tomato and Bacon, aged 5 and 3.

After an action-packed decade, with my 49th birthday being celebrated during lockdown, the prospect of turning 50 during a worldwide pandemic was not very appealing. The family had planned to all meet up in Hawaii for my birthday but that was not to be. Taking pity on me, my brother in Perth booked a flight to celebrate with me. The Trans-Tasmin bubble between New Zealand and Australia suddenly closed. All travel ceased. I was expected to celebrate a milestone birthday by myself, in my new country, where I didn’t know very many people and I was getting old. I was having a pre-50 pity party.

The Rose

The day after getting the sad news that my brother wasn’t coming, I was told that ‘one of the gang’ from my teenage years had died suddenly from a heart attack. Sadness upon sadness. I decided to drown my sorrows in coffee and went to my favorite local café. I watched a family laughing and having fun and it made me sadder. The elderly lady at the table was lovingly looking at a long stemmed red rose that she had been given. She looked like my mother. I thought to myself, that the person who gave her that rose must be delighted because she really appreciated the gift. She couldn’t keep her eyes off it.

People were coming and going and as I gazed out of the window, I saw a couple arrive for coffee in the same car that my mom used to drive. I had never seen that model, never mind the same colour, since being in New Zealand. This was excruciating now. More reminders of sadness. I looked over to the table and the lady smiled at me and I smiled back before looking away as my eyes had started to well up. I quickly grabbed a serviette to stem the flow, willing myself not to go into the “ugly cry.”

My family joined me shortly afterwards, my mom’s car look-alike had gone and we were chatting happily when the lady appeared at our table. “I think you need this more than I do today” she said “I’m sure I saw a tear.” It was the lady across from me, with the rose. But the rose she handed me, was a white rose, not the one I saw her with, and I burst into tears. Hubby and the kids were completely confused! The rose lived for almost 3 weeks and was spectacularly beautiful.

Random Acts of Kindness

People started asking me, what I had planned for my birthday and I had nothing planned, nor was I going to plan anything. A nice family dinner would be fine. I didn’t feel like celebrating. My dad would have turned 100 and I’d be half a century old and I wasn’t going to see any of my family or South African friends.

Then I remembered that I should be grateful that I get to live for as long as I have because so many people that I know haven’t made it this far. I’ve lost a lot of friends and family over the years, some very young. Their families and friends would give anything to have them back to celebrate. This thought swirled in my mind for days.

One morning I woke up and it hit me! I’m going to use this birthday to do what the rose-lady did for me! She made me feel amazing every time I looked at my rose and I wanted to pass on that joy to celebrate the 150 years of me and my dad. I quickly posted a plea to friends and family far and wide on social media. The idea was to celebrate with me and my dad by doing a random act of kindness. I liked the 150 number, so that became my goal. I wanted to impact 150 different lives with happiness.

Friday the 13th

I was born on Friday the 13th and my 50th fell on Friday the 13th. Hubby and I went out for breakfast. The lady at the table next to me turned to me suddenly and asked “Do I know you?” The ladies with her looked embarrassed. I could tell there was something not quite right with her, so I replied “No I don’t think so, but my name is Lisa and I’m very pleased to meet you.” She smiled a huge smile and said “I just wanted to tell you that you are beautiful.” I laughed, thanked her and explained that it was my 50th birthday and I really needed to hear that! She gave me a huge hug and congratulated me.

Her daughter then spelled out to me that her dear mum had dementia and I mumbled something about how I’d guessed something like that. She said, “you don’t understand, she has no filter so if she thinks you’re beautiful, she really means it because she would have told you straight out if you weren’t, that’s why we’re always worried when she chats to people!” Well that made my day.

At the beginning of August, I spoke to my parents and asked them if they were still with me, because sometimes I don’t feel them around me as much as I did when they left. The rose and the ‘beautiful’ comment, are without doubt, my signs from my mom and dad for my birthday. They are still here with me.

Celebrations

My friends had told me that I should invite them round and we could party with just us, a small group and maybe a few friends from work?  I hate being the centre of attention, so birthday parties are excruciating to me. I like one-on-one time, really catching up with friends and their lives.  They got me thinking. Maybe I should do something, but my way, not the conventional birthday party…..  So in true Golden Girls fashion, I threw a party and invited everyone I knew…. everyone who had played a part in my New Zealand journey was invited. Forty five people came! It was manic and crazy with great food and there was no happy birthday song or birthday cake, just as I wanted. The day was just a huge mish mash of special people from my new life, celebrating my special day.  I even had a school friend join me – yay!! I had the party on the condition that my gift would be a random act of kindness.

The Response

My friends and family in all the far-flung places on this earth did not disappoint. I was truly stunned by the thoughtful, generous and ingenious random acts that were done in my dad’s and my honour. So many more than 150 people experienced a random act of kindness because of my request. I finally understood the saying that it is better to give than to receive.

Three days after the party, New Zealand went into a full lockdown. We are still in lockdown for at least another week. I am very grateful that I got to see all my special peeps together before we had to isolate ourselves. And fortunately nobody at the party contracted Covid and spread it around at my party. Can you imagine? It could have been a disastrous memory, rather than the happy one that it now holds in my heart.

I know everyone wants to know what was done, but a few people are still adding random acts of kindness. If you are reading this and still want to do an act, let me know, there is still time. I will publish a post of all the wonderful initiatives in the next few days.