Comedy Central

This is a continuously updated post of cute, funny and amazing things said by and discussed with my BLT…..

April 2019

Tomato (age 12) trying to be grown up and casually mention salmonella poisoning. She started with “armadilla” poisoning and then when she tried again later she called it “Smell Mandela” poisoning!

February 2019

Lettuce (7): I’m getting Tomato some water to take to her outside.

Me: Don’t let her spray you with it

Lettuce: Seriously mommy, she’s thirsty, I saw her throat,it’s dry!

January 2019

We were driving back from holiday and I handed Hubby a cold drink. Lettuce (7) from the back shouts “Daddy! No drinking and driving!”

*****

Lettuce (7) gazing out the car window: Look! A pile of cows!

December 2018

Lettuce (7) to Bacon: I can’t find my shoes, I’m just going to go commando

November 2018

Bacon explaining to Lettuce how to hold his paper when he draws. She didn’t know the words for landscape or portrait so she uses “bath” (landscape) and “shower” (portrait).

October 2018

Me to Lettuce: Go shower

Lettuce (6): But there’s a daddy with long legs in the shower

September 2018

Me: What should we have for dinner?

Bacon (10) asks Lettuce: Quick, name a food that you like to eat!

Lettuce (6): a booger

June 2018

Bacon (10): Ewww Lettuce is eating snot

Lettuce (6): No I’m not! I’m eating the stuff I just coughed up.

*****

Tomato: Let’s call Bacon Tim

May 2018

Lettuce (6): My teacher was sick so she stayed home today

Me: Oh dear, I hope she’s ok, who taught you at school today

Lettuce: I have a spare teacher

March 2018

I was preparing crumbed calamari rings for the first time. Lettuce (6) asked me what was for dinner so I told him it was crumbed fish so as not to freak him out that he would be eating octopus, which Tomato was dying to tell him. He spotted me taking them out of the oven and became super excited and said “wowee we’re having  donuts of fish for dinner!”

December 2017

Lettuce (6): Mommy what can I blow up?

November 2017

Lettuce: I want to fly. But I don’t want to be a bird because I don’t want to have to eat vomit when I’m small.

September 2017

Lettuce asked “are there weekends in New Zealand?

August 2017

In the car with Lettuce and he shouts “there’s a Ferrari,” I was concentrating on the intersection so I asked “what color is it?” His reply? “snot color” Later I saw the car was luminous green, if his snot was that color he would be hospitalized!

July 2017

The cousins are here from the US so the kids are all sleeping together on the floor. We’re doing our prayers as usual but it is very late. Tomato asks for the flight not to be delayed tomorrow as the other cousins are going home to Cape Town. Bacon asks what delayed means, so I said “it means it’s late.” We carry on to the next person who now says the same thing about the flight. Bacon pipes up, “I don’t know why you won’t just tell me.” Huh? “Why won’t you tell me what delayed means, so I go into a long explanation about what it means and she said “oh, I thought you didn’t want to tell me because it was late and we needed to go to bed.” She thought instead of answering her question, I was reprimanding her and telling her – “it’s late!!

June 2017

Bacon wanted to ride on the kiddy rides at a restaurant. I told her that she should use her own money for that. Her response “I don’t want to waste my money.” I laughed and replied “Then why should I use mine?” Her response? ” You waste yours anyway on stuff like food.”

*****

Tomato: “Are you going to have any more children?”
Me: “No. Three is plenty. Why?”
Tomato: “We need 2 more children because in my game I need a servant and a dog.”

*****

Bacon and Lettuce were annoying me at dinner time by pretending their food was alive and the food on Lettuce’s fork was talking to the food on Bacon’s fork. I told them to stop playing with their food and eat properly. Lettuce asked if his food could say goodbye to Bacon’s food before they stopped playing so I reluctantly agreed. Lettuce’s food says to Bacon’s food “Bye bye see you in the toilet!”

May 2017

Lettuce, as I was dropping him off at pre-school “Mommy when you fetch me, remember I’m the one in the white shirt.” then he thinks for a bit and adds “it might be brown when you fetch me but it will still be me.”

*****

Lettuce’s class at pre-school has an incubator with eggs in it, and the children are very excited waiting for them to hatch. Lettuce rushed over to me on the first day shouting “we’ve got an incubaker in our class.” I corrected him but on second thoughts, I think it SHOULD be called an incubaker lol.

*****

I say “who wants to be of assistance in the kitchen?” Bacon shouts, jumping up and down “me, me!” I happily thank her and ask if she’s ready to start and she says “what’s assistance?”

*****

Bacon and Lettuce are in the car and discussing the fact that Autumn leaves the trees naked. Lettuce asks Bacon “what happens if a tree needs to get married in winter? It will have to be naked!” Bacon smoothly responds “But it’ll marry another tree, so that tree will also be naked and all the guest trees will be naked, so it’ll be fine.”

April 2017

Lettuce was zipping and unzipping a pencil bag and said dreamily “hmm zips are magical!”

March 2017

Lettuce was learning about white couples who adopt black babies (like his friend.) Then he saw a bi-racial couple and he asked innocently “wow, when did she adopt him?”

February 2017

I was on the phone when I heard the words that I never thought I’d hear….. “Mommeeeee!!! Lettuce is peeing on us from the balcony!” Sure enough that is what he was doing. When I reprimanded him he said solemnly, “I wasn’t aiming at them.”

December 2016

Lettuce (5): If you don’t let me watch TV I’m going to shake my p#nis at you!

*****

I cut Lettuce’s hair very short and I can’t stop feeling it. When he wasn’t listening and spent some time in time-out, which he hadn’t for a while, I went to explain why he was on the step and he said he understood but as I walked away he said “but now you’re not allowed to touch my hair anymore!”

November 2016

Tomato (10): Nobody wants to play with me, I have no friends (crying)
Bacon (8): I’ve got no friends so I play with my shadow
Lettuce (5): why does everyone want to play with me? I’m only one person, I can’t play with EVERYONE (crying)

July 2016

Lettuce (4): Mommy were you friends with daddy when you got him?

June 2016

Lettuce (4): Daddy’s p#nis is all bumpy but mine is smooth and nice. I like my p#nis

February 2016

Lettuce trying to say “pyramid” and calls it “pyramint” “parachute” is a “parrot shoot”

 January 2016

Lettuce remembering that he got a car at Mema’s somnil (funeral).

September 2015

Tomato moaning about homework “aaagghhhh I’d rather eat spinach than do this!”

August 2015

We changed the tunnel configuration of Super-stripe the hamster’s cage. BL and T had to put the cage back on the counter. Panic ensued because it wouldn’t fit under the cupboard where it usually sat. By the time I got there Tomato was saying “wow Lettucy that is VERY clever” he had told them to turn it around so it slid under easily. He is only 3.

*****

Bacon had a friend over to play. Tomato kept taking over so Bacon was in tears. I had to take Tomato aside and explain to her that it is her sister’s turn to play with her friend and to let them play their own games. Tomato went upstairs and started mournfully singing “do you wanna build a snowman?”

July 2015

I was teaching the kids to sing Kumbaya. So I sang the line and then pointed to each child to sing the “Kumbaya” bit. The girls each did theirs and then when it came to Lettuce, he couldn’t quite understand the word so he sang “cucumber.” It was so cute but when we all laughed he went and sat on the step and cried.

My little dude (3yo) runs into my office, puts this down on my desk and whispers urgently “mommy, look after my snail” before running off. Lol

Lettuce’s snail

June 2015

Every morning on the way to school there is a man handing out pamphlets on the road. The kids have made it into a game to get a pamphlet. Lettuce got his first one and brought it home saying “I got my pamflip”

*****

Tomato complaining that she doesn’t want boiled eggs for lunch any more. “They make me toot (fart) and then the toot smells the same as the egg!”

May 2015

When I went to check on Lettuce tonight he had put on his own socks and new shoes!

April 2015

Lettuce was playing nicely with an older boy, the brother of Tomato’s friend. Then he asked him “will you marry me?”

March 2015

Lettuce came running inside shouting excitedly “Daddy’s got new wheels!” (he is crazy about any kind of wheel). When Hubby came inside he explained sheepishly “I took my car for a wash and now they’re silver again instead of black!”

*****

Overheard tonight Tomato telling Bacon “I really love my bed but I love chocolate too” like mother like daughter!

February 2015

Every time we drive past a Mercedes Benz van, hubby ooohs and ahhhs over it and the kids now point them out whenever we see one. Tonight while I was lying with Bacon she asked me why Daddy didn’t buy the van and I told her because it is very expensive. She thought for a while and said “Daddy can have all of my money that I’ve saved in my piggy bank, there’s quite a lot in there.” Awwwww

                                                                      *****
Lettuce looked into the bath and saw a fishmoth. He shouted out “mommy there’s a fishmark!”
*****
I was getting undressed and Lettuce asked “where’s your Bacon-button?” instead of belly button.
*****
Eating dinner one night Lettuce said to dad “hmmmm this is scrumdidilyumpcious!’

January 2015

In the car Tomato (8) was telling us a story about her friend, when she added “well she wasn’t really a friend, more of an acquaintance really.” Hubby and I had a chuckle because we didn’t even know that she knew the word acquaintance, but she had used it correctly. Bacon who was dozing, heard us chuckling but hadn’t heard what Tomato said so she shouts out “what is so funny about coitis??” Well then hubby and I collapsed!!

*****

Lettuce runs into hubby’s office while I was working in there and says “I want the mini mote with the pink button” he means the remote control for the air conditioner.

December 2014

I said to Lettuce “go to the toilet before bed” to which he replied
“I did already!”
“When?”
“When I was in the bath with Bacon” Oops!

November 2014

Bacon was complaining that she couldn’t brush her hair on her own because it had too many knots in it. Meanwhile her brother was happily brushing his short hair without a problem. He turned to me and said “girls have a lot of snots in their hair, but not boys! Boys have no snots!”

*****

Lettuce had removed his pants and undies and was standing bare-bummed, holding his pants over the sprinkler nozzle which was spraying, making his pants soaking wet. Tomato came outside and saw this and said to us “geez guys, you really did a good job raising him, now didn’t you!!?”

*****

Overheard this morning “don’t worry Lettuce, we’ll just hide your p.enis so that you look like a girl!.” The girls were playing Mommy and they wanted a girl baby! Not sure how they were going to do this! *hiding the duct tape*

September 2014

Dot-the-domestic was ill for almost 2 weeks so we had to fend for ourselves (shock-horror) so when daddy came downstairs in the nude, the kids were a little taken aback. He went to the clean-but-not-yet-folded laundry basket to rummage through for clean undies. Little Lettuce was behind him, watching him leaning over the basket and said innocently “daddy why does your p$nis look like an ice-cream?” We all collapsed laughing! Dad loved it when he added “a BIG BIG ice-cream!” LOL

*****

“Privates” seem to be a hot issue at the moment. I was changing Lettuce’s nappy and Bacon was there. She said “you’ve got a baby p$enis boy” to which he replied ” I got a big big p$enis” Dad was again thrilled to hear that Bacon responded with “no Bubby, Daddy’s got a big one but yours is a little one.”

August 2014

The whole family is sick with chest infections and high temps. Last night Lettuce woke up screaming and it took me a while to wake up from my drug-induced deep sleep. By the time I got there he’d stopped crying, which is strange so I was worried. He was fast asleep. Tomato called me and said “don’t worry I calmed him down and he went back to sleep” I was so grateful and she just said “that’s what big sisters are for. We’re not here for nothing you know!” Little super-star, especially since her temperature was one of the highest.

*****

Last night little Lettuce had another night terror. When I got to him he was sobbing. I picked him up and cuddled him and he just kept repeating over and over again “Mommy! There’s no yoghurt in the fridge! There’s no yoghurt in the fridge!” Obviously catastrophic for the little guy to run out of his favorite treat.

*****

Today Bacon caught sight of herself in my rear view mirror as she got into the car. She smiled at her reflection and said so innocently “God made me so beautiful, and I’m quite cute too!!”

*****
More night terrors and Lettuce tells me, at 3am that a helicopter and car (in his dream) were too loud and scary, shame.
July 2014
I called Lettuce to come to bed and he politely responded “no thanks!”
*****
Tomato asked me today if she had vomited on the aeroplane when she was a baby. When I told her that she didn’t she turned to her sister and said “phew that’s a relief! So I’m not allergic to flying!”
*****
The song We Are Never Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift was playing on the radio in the car. Tomato piped up “what’s this song about?” So I explained what had happened and she asked “was she married?” I explained that she was just dating the man that she had broken up with and how it was important to date someone to see if you got on with them so if you do decide to marry them, you know them very well. I waited for the response and I wasn’t disappointed:
B: Yes you need to see if they are a nice person first
T: You should go out for dinner to see if they eat with their mouth open
B: Or if they order juice and then when the waiter brings it they say “I don’t want juice, I ordered water” but they didn’t! Or if they burp or toot (fart) at the table!
June 2014

Lettuce said to me loudly “I want cock porn” meaning popcorn *gulp*

*****
Questions in the car from my BLT:
  • What does education mean?
  • Why do we blink?
  • Does 2 plus 2 equal 4?
  • How does a car go?
  • Why do you have to turn the steering wheel?
  • Why do we have to breathe?
  • Why do we need snot?
Hoo boy!!!

May 2014

Mother’s Day:
T: I love you more than the salt in the ocean
B: I love you more than purple
T: I love you more than the stars in the sky
B: I love you more than my purple shoes
T: I love you more than the whole world
B: I love you more than my boots
T: I love you more than Spur!

I think they love me :-p

April 2014

Bacon told me that she didn’t want to turn 6. I told her that she would have a party so maybe 6 isn’t such a bad idea. She thought about it and then said “Ok Mommy I’ll have the party but please remind me to turn 6 cos I might forget!”

March 2014

I say to Lettuce: “thank you my chicken” he says “I not a chicken, I Lettuce!”
Later I say “hello sweetie” he says “I not a sweetie…….. I want a sweetie”

*****
Driving in the car Lettuce is strapped in a bit tight. “Mommy I can’t make a toot!”
February 2014

Dot-the-domestic says “Hello Baby Boy” he replies “Hello Baby Dot”
Now it’s “Hello Big Boy” – he says “Hello Big Dot”

*****

I was in the shower and Lettuce came running in shouting “mommy, mommy, mommy!” I opened the door a crack and said “yes boy?” He beamed and said “I wuv you” and puckered up for a kiss. *heart melts*

January 2014

 Tonight while making dinner, I dropped the colander and the pasta flew all over the floor. I then dropped all the cutlery and missed the shelf in the fridge while putting stuff away and the food landed on me. I said “Geez, what is going on with me tonight??” Tomato says “Did you have alcohol Mommy?” Lol
*****

Bacon said “Why does Daddy wear a towel when he gets out of the pool at Granny and Grampa’s house?” Me “because he takes off his costume and he doesn’t want to walk around naked.” Bacon “Why not? Granny used to change his nappies, she knows what he looks like naked, anyway we’ve ALL seen him naked so it’s just silly that he hides his privates when we’re there!”

*****
I asked Tomato to please take the swimming bag inside as I was carrying the shopping. She said “this is the last thing I’m doing, it’s my day off today!”
December 2013

Bacon on Christmas Eve “please make sure daddy doesn’t snore tonight, I want to listen out for sleigh bells”

November 2013

Toilet training day 3: Lettuce gives me a little smile while I’m on the phone and proceeds to wee onto the strip of plugs!! Luckily they were all off at the time or the result may have been shocking.

*****

“Thank you for giving me the name Tomato mommy, it’s a really lovely name” awww how cute is that?

September 2013

After I excitedly pointed out the Gautrain to Tomato, she asked “why do they call it a cow train?”

July 2013
Tomato “Mommeeeee Lettuce just stuck his hand in the toilet and Bacon hadn’t flushed yet!  He’s all wet!!”  Glorious to wake up to this on a Sunday morning *not*
May 2013
Whenever we want to tickle the girls under their arms we say “here comes the armpit lizard” the other day Tomato said “why don’t you try the (va) gina lizard?”  I nearly died laughing!!  I said “No, that’s a snake!!”

April 2013

Bacon: “Mommy why did God put you in charge?”

*****

Tonight hubby and I were kissing in the kitchen. The girls were horrified! Tomato was shrieking “eeeeeew stop!!” We carried on to see what they would do so Bacon had her hands over her eyes and asked her sister “has it ended yet?”

March 2013

You know you’re living in the techno-age when you’re reading a story and your 4yr old shouts “pause” so she can run to the loo and then comes back and shouts “ok play again”

January 2013
Tomato was holding a snail inside Aroma Cafe so hubby told her that the snail is asking to be put outside.  So she rolled her eyes and said “well how am I supposed to know that?  I don’t speak snail!!”
December 2012
Tomato to her baby brother:  “Lettuce!  Don’t stick your finger in my belly button!  I used to poo out of there when I was in mommy’s tummy!”
*****
Tomato: “Oooh look at that big ball”.  Hubby:  “That is the radar tower for the airport”  *silence*  then a little voice “Daddy, are you talking to me?”  Bacon chimes in “what’s the big idea?”
*****
Me:  Daddy is going to be very cross if you don’t go to sleep
Tomato:  Why?  You’re the boss of the house
Me:  What does that mean?
Bacon:  Well, Daddy is boss of the iPads but when we have an accident and make a wee or a poo in our panties then we bring it to you cos you’re the boss of that!
*****

Tomato (looking at a rude Mordillo puzzle):  Mema look here, this man is smelling that lady’s (va)gina

*****
Tomato: “I kissed my boyfriend today” Me (stunned but with Zen-like calm): “Oh. How did that go?” Tomato: “It was ok, I got used to it eventually!! Now he says I have to call him Babe”. Hoo boy
*****

Bacon (4): I need white high heels for when I marry Gregan

November 2012

Bacon got very upset when I called her Bacon – “that’s not my name!!!”
*****
I was about to leave to go to the airport and Tomato was quizzing me about flying.  “Ooooh I wish I could go in a plane, I would just open the window and touch a cloud”
October 2012
I was in my office, on the phone to the bank and Bacon was playing quietly while I was on hold.  She suddenly got up and said “I need to wee”.  As she was running out she stopped and turned back and said to me “You!  Work!”
*****
Bacon not wanting to sleep.  “I’m a noc-turtle animal”
September 2012

Bacon: if a dog eats too many sausages it turns into a sausage dog. Gotta love 4 year old logic

August 2012
At Aroma Cafe, eyeing the feast table, Tomato says to me “Mommy would you like to share a slice of chocolate cake with me?”  Very clever!
*****
Bacon – “Mommy why do you decorate your face?”
*****
Tomato – “I know you Mommy, you’re a cheeky chocolate-eater. (Ok I may have eaten one or two of her chocs)
July 2012
Tomato sitting on the hot bathroom floor sang at the top of her voice all the words to “I wanna be a billionaire, so freakin bad……”  “I wanna be on the cover of Forbes Magazine, standing next to Oprah and the Queen”  Again, private schooling fees so well-spent!
*****
Tomato looked at me and said “Mommy I  hardly recognised you today, you are looking so beautiful!” Awww
*****
Bacon prodding my tummy – “do you have a baby in here?”  Nice!
*****
We were on holiday in the Drakensberg and Tomato was not letting up on the fact that she couldn’t find the scar on my tummy where she came out so eventually I took a deep breath and told her where she actually came out!  I waited for the horror to sink in but it was not what I expected…….. she had no problem coming out there but she was mortified about how it must have smelled!!!  OMW!
*****
When we were leaving the Drakensberg we saw snow on the very tips of the mountains and the girls were very excited.  They were so excited that Tomato remembers seeing a polar bear and Bacon a penguin!!  Not reliable eye-witnesses!
June 2012
Bacon is learning some cute songs to sing for father’s day at school.  One of them is to the tune of “My Bonnie lies over the ocean”  So I sang her the real version and she was very interested.  Later that day she asked me to “sing the bunny song”  it took me a while but she thinks Bonnie is Bunny.  I explained that it’s Bonnie and she looked like she got it but later she said “let’s sing the Barney song.”  Yip when I started singing “I love you, you love me….” she got mad and said “No!! The one where Barney is in the ocean”
*****
Tomato says I should get a taxi when my car gets old because then I can take Granny and Grandpa and Mema and Dot-the-domestic around all at the same time!
May 2012
Last night Tomato joined me and hubby in bed at around 1am, we’re all not very well at the moment.  She woke me up at 3am telling me that Lettuce was crying. I got up and she said “you and daddy are snoring so loudly you can’t even hear the monitor. I have to do it.”
*****
Driving to swimming today Bacon says “what the heck is that tree?”
Tomato: “Bacon!!!  stop saying that!  When you say a bad word like that you hurt God’s feelings!  Promise you’ll never use that word again.”  [yes ma’am]
*****

Tomato and Lettuce got their first pet, a bunny, today.  Tomato firstly was so happy she cried and then she ran into the road and told nobody in particular “I have a pet!!!!  It’s a bunny!!”

Not long later she was in tears after chasing said bunny for ages to try to hold her “You got me a pet that doesn’t like me”
*****
Tomato realised that the underfloor heating was on in my bathroom.  She dropped to the floor and started flailing around, like she was making a snow angel, to warm up!

April 2012

Bacon “Mommy please can I play on your iPod?”

Me “No you and your sister have had enough screen-time today”

Bacon arguing “I’ve been good, I haven’t had any scream-time today!!”

*****

We were chatting in the car today and Tomato asked what speed I was going, so I told her 80. She said we should rather go at 40 so I said “40 is very slow”. She thought for a while and then said “how old are you again Mommy?” What do you thinks she’s trying to say????

*****

Tomato decided she wanted to wash up today.  She was so excited that she wanted me to come and see but I was Skyping with Dororthy in Oz.  Hubby told her that I was on the phone and she said “no she’s not!!”  so he tried to tell her that I was busy but she said “She is on Skype, do you think that you can see people when you phone therm?  No, that’s Skype!!”

*****

Bacon all of 3 years old goes outside with her sister and stops, takes a deep breath and says “What a beauuutiful day”

January 2012

Tomato seeing a pregnant lady’s tummy and then looking at mine .  “Mommy why do you still have Lettuce’s house?”

*****

Tomato tells me that she dropped her water bottle in the toilet at school today. I said “oh yuk we better Jik it when we get home” so she says “No don’t worry mommy it still tastes fine!” Lovely and I gave her a huge hello kiss!!

*****
December 2011
Awkward question of the week from Tomato “Mommy what’s dagga?”

October 2011

Tomato overheard me telling Hubby last night that his Facebook wall is so active it’s blocking up my newsfeed. Very seriously she asked “why are you going to unlike Daddy?”

*****

Bacon was very grumpy with a girl who pushed her. She calls her her enemy! I told her that’s not nice, then she said that’s her name. Took me a while but figured out her name is EMILY!

July 2011

Interesting question from Tomato (5) in the car this morning: Mommy how nice is it to be you? Makes you think, how nice IS IT to be you?

*****

I thought I had a couple of years before my 5 year old knew more than me! Today she showed me a pic of a dinosaur and proudly told me it is a Triceratops!! A what??

*****

Tomato (5): Where do you get a baby?
Me: it grows from a seed in your tummy.
T: how does the seed get in your tummy?
Me: Daddy puts it there.
T: How?
*deathly silence*
T: Do you swallow the seed?
Me (battling not to laugh): yes.
T: but you just swallow daddy’s seed, you don’t chew it hey?
OMW!! Haven’t stopped laughing since!!

June 2011

Bacon (2) screaming: “I don’t wanna sleep” full tantrum, kicking and screaming. Where is she now? Lying face down on the carpet in her bedroom fast asleep! Parenting is not for sissies!!

*****

It is apparently not only “unasseptable” that I am allowed juice with dinner and Tomato only water but “TOTALLY unasseptable.” Said juice was exiting via my nostril after that comment!

*****

Tomato to Bacon “what’s that great smell?”
Bacon “the wee in my nappy.” (lovely!!)
T: “no the yummy smell”
B:”that’s dinner.”
Wait til they realise it’s butternut soup – won’t be so great then 😉

*****

Bacon was looking at herself in the mirror singing the Barney song “I love you, you love me” I thought how cool, such great self esteem! Then she switched to baa baa black sheep.
There goes that theory!

May 2011

Just checked on little Bacon. She was fast asleep sans her fleecy winter PJs which were merrily replaced by her favourite flimsy summer skirt! She was icy.

April 2011

Bacon is potty training. Sitting on the loo she says “you can’t put wee on a doggy” so I agree that would be bad. I pass her the paper to wipe and she refuses because the paper has doggies on it!! Darn good point, why the hell do we have dogs on our toilet paper??

March 2011

Tomato: “I can’t find the tortoise that the gardener saw last week” Me: “It must have decided to go home, he was only visiting” Tomato: “But his home is on his back!” Oops!

February 2011

Tomato (4):”Our car is so pretty Mommy, nobody else has a rainbow on the back window.” Oops! I guess it’s time to wash my car!

*****

While we were walking to the pool, me in my sarong, sun hat and cossie, Bacon said
“Mommy you look just like a princess.” Tomato stopped dead in her tracks, had a good look at me and said
“You really do Mommy.” Thanks sweeties xxx

*****

Bacon (2½): “I need to wipe I’ve got beefroot on my hands.”
Well at least she’s eating her beefroot.

January 2011

Tomato looking all over my stomach “Mommy where is the scar where Bacon and me came out?”
Me “Ummm don’t know where it went now…..”

*****

Tomato: “Mommy why did the dinosaurs die?”
Me “Um..”
Tomato: “An asteroid hit the earth and froze everything, silly”
Me: “Oh yes now I remember” *gulp*

*****

Starting with “I eat waterlemon” (read watermelon) this morning, to having my face gently stroked, followed by a noisy looong wet kiss tonight, this mommy is counting her blessings.

“Just getting the knots out” says Bacon brushing my leg. Oops better book that wax

December 2010

My 5 year old niece sitting on the couch and me leaning over the table to give her a drink: “Aunty Lisa when you lean forward I can see your boobs”. Thanks Sweetie!

*****

“What happens if I never get a boyfriend?” not words that I was expecting from my 4 year old Tomato!! She suddenly realised that her daddy is my “boyfriend” not hers!

Note to self: never try to explain date night to a 4 year old. Sneak out like a teenager!

*****

Family nudist camp was open today. Got back from a party, both girls stripped off and REFUSED to get dressed. They then painted each others faces and bums and did a parade for Grandma! Sorry mom, don’t know who brought their mother up so badly 😉

*****

Me “Come on girls it’s bed time” Tomato “No thank you Mommy!” Polite rebellion.

November 2010

I have been spotted licking my knife (by the midget police) and this is VERY naughty. I now have to go to time out because I just don’t LISTEN!! Woohoo 39 minutes (1 for each year of my age) on the step without being talked to, not doing anything and nobody is allowed to come near me!! Tomorrow I’m gonna play with matches 😉

*****

Me to Tomato while I’m digging in my bag for coins “What are you going to wish for in the wishing fountain?”
“A new baby sister called Rainbow!!!”
Me: “Oops sorry sweetie I can’t find a single coin! Dodged a bullet there!!

*****

Tomato (4): “Mommy, I want a new baby sister but this time I want a brown one!”
Wonder if she’s still gonna call her Rainbow??

October 2010

4 Year old Tomato to her 2 year old sister while staring out the window
“Isn’t it interesting how the Hadedas are big when they’re close and get smaller when they fly away.”
We better start saving for varsity!!!

September 2010

We have a story book that I read to the children quite often. It is about Mickey Mouse who is asked by his friend to look after his pet shop while he is away and some of the pets escape and scare a customer but it ends so nicely with Mickey taking a puppy as payment and that puppy is Pluto. Such a cute story. Tomato asks after I finish reading.

“Why is that lady scared of the mice running around the shop?

So I explain that some people don’t like mice and although they are harmless, some people just get a fright. I thought I was home free until she said

“Then why isn’t she scared of Mickey? He’s a mouse!”

*speechless*

December 2008

I was getting ready for work and had just stepped out of the shower. Tomato arrived and came face to face with my privates. She took one look and said “woof woof” which is the sound she makes when I show her a dog in a story book!!

August 2007

We were at a funeral for one of my mom’s best friends. The minister, coming to the end of his sermon, was saying “ashes to ashes, dust to dust…….” Tomato yells out “bye bye!!”

I am a work-from-home mom with 3 children. The title of my blog comes from the initial of each of their first names. The eldest is 11 years old, her name is Tomato, the second is 9 years and her name starts with a B so she is Bacon and the baby boy is 6 and he is Lettuce. Join me in the adventures of me and my family and any other issues that I feel that I need to get off my chest! Hopefully my blog will give you "food for thought" and a bit of a giggle :)