Life Lessons
I believe, in order to grow and learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others, every once in a while, we need to stop, take a breath and reflect on where we are in our lives and the lessons we have learned, on our travels. For me and my family, the last few years have probably had more ups than downs, but although there have been some dark days, I continue to be grateful for all that I have and I welcome abundance into my life.
These are just some of the lessons I have learned over the past few years:
LESSONS FROM MY CHILDREN
You just need to be there
Whether it’s a concert or a mother’s tea or a netball game, you just need to show up.
I have learned that you think it’s not important to them, but they do notice and it means the world to them, even though they don’t always show or verbalise it.
It’s not about the perfect party
I went all out and had the most awesome party ever, with everything matching and looking gorgeous. I stayed up until 2am for nights on end making cake pops into Hello Kitty and making a cake that could win an award. In bed that night, after an exhausting but smooth-running, beautiful, well-executed party, I asked Bacon to recall her favorite part of the party. She responded “putting out the sweets!”
I have learned that what means a lot to me (a stunning-looking party), sometimes means nothing to my children.
Tantrums
I have a very emotional and needy child who has so many medical, physiological and psychological challenges that I have lost count. Sometimes her ranting can drive me insane and puts a huge strain on the family dynamic.
I have learned that when my children are being at their most unlovable, that is when they need me to love them the most. I have to dig deep within me not to react.
Natural vs Chemical
Going the natural route is the first thing that I try.
I have learned that I don’t want a homeopath to perform open heart surgery on me. Medical professionals and medication definitely have a place.
LESSONS FROM MY FRIENDS
Everyone is going through something
Whatever each person is going through is rough for them.
I have learned that perhaps in comparison to my problems, others’ troubles may seem trivial, but everyone is going through some turmoil and it’s a big thing to them.
Just because someone looks happy, doesn’t mean they are happy
Ask questions, find out about the person inside. Often people are going through difficulties and you need to be there for them.
I have learned that if people want to open up, they need to feel comfortable enough to do so. It cannot be forced.
Listen to understand, not to reply
So often I find myself being so enthusiastic in the conversation that I butt in before my friend has finished their sentence.
I have learned that I should listen first and answer later and then only if required. Perhaps they don’t want my input, they just want to talk. This is still a work in progress for me!!
Sometimes friends need space and that’s ok
This took me a long time to come to terms with. It’s been a difficult lesson because I don’t like space, I want friends around me as often as possible.
I have learned that some people need to withdraw from friends, not because they don’t want the friendship, but because they need to cocoon and regroup.
Coffee can be medicinal 😉
A cup of coffee and a catch up can be like a Full Swedish Body Massage for the soul.
I have learned not to always wait for others to invite me, but to make the effort to make plans. Busy people make time for the people they care about.
Good deeds do not go unrewarded
About 2 years ago, instead of selling a fairly expensive but awesome baby item that I no longer needed, I remembered an “old” friend who was expecting and offered it to her as a gift. That one good deed has lead to a rekindling of our friendship, seeing another “old” friend who is also divine. The knock-on effect has been many hilarious, fun-filled, fabulous girls’ nights out and me meeting so many wonderful people, going to see Bon Jovi live, having a fantastic long weekend away and numerous delicious meals prepared at my friend’s beautiful home.
I have learned that good deeds attract good people into our lives.
Popping-up people
Some people, without you even trying, keep popping up in your life. These people have been placed in our lives for a reason. For me, some have moved to the other side of the world, but still check up on me and support me from afar.
I have learned that social media and whats app (especially the voice message option) may have its critics, but when used wisely, it brings old friends closer and allows new friendships to emerge. Honestly I sometimes feel like I’ve been to an awesome therapy session after some of these interactions!
HARD
LIFE LESSONS
Ditch the energy vampires
There is only one of you and so many people who need you. Never dip below your own energy reserves to help others (except your kids, that goes without saying).
I have learned that there will always be someone needing my help or advice but, as the air hostess reminds us during the flight instructions, you have got to put your own oxygen mask on before you can assist others.
Not every dysfunctional family is not functioning
Just because you can see that a family is a train wreck, does not mean that it is not servicing the dysfunctional needs of its members. I became involved with a hugely dysfunctional family because I felt enormous pity for all parties and I leaped in to help, I tried to build bridges and tear down walls but as Miley Cyrus sings, all it ever did was wreck me. Relationships borne out of a sense of pity, instead of mutual respect, can never flourish.
I have learned to walk away from the drama of other peoples’ lives and am happier for it.
Cyclical friends
Some friends enter your life and you mistakenly think that they will be life-long friends. Perhaps these are friends made when your children are in nursery school together and you have a lot in common. You share intimate details of your life with them, assuming they will “have your back” and support you no matter the situation. Sometimes you are wrong. These friends are only there for a short part of your life and they added something at the time. Perhaps they are kind and caring and you wish they would stick around, but sometimes they are only there for a time and then they are gone. These friendships can dissolve on their own and just fizzle out or they can be very hurtful, especially if there was no closure, you didn’t know what happened. Perhaps you said something or perhaps you didn’t say something. Perhaps you didn’t work hard enough at the friendship or perhaps you worked too hard. Disappointment can be devastating as you try to understand what went wrong.
Some friends are in your life forever. They enter your life and never leave. These friends are the true soul mates in your life. They are there for the good and the bad. They lift you up when you are down and are a support system through thick and thin.
I have learned that cyclical friendships are not real friendships, they are more like “good acquaintances.” Sometimes the relationship doesn’t fulfill the needs of both parties anymore. It is hard when one party invests too much in a cyclical friendship, hoping that it will turn into a real long term friendship and this can be very hurtful. Never invest more than you are prepared to lose. Not everybody is upfront and honest and you can be left high and dry without an explanation. You will survive.
LESSONS FROM MY MOM AND DAD
Control your own destiny
When you get older, people think they know what is best for you and they might be right. As children, we want to keep our parents around for as long as possible.
I have learned that even though I don’t always agree, allowing elderly people the freedom to make their own choices, on how to live out their remaining years, gives them hope for the future and a will to live. Even if their choices reduce their time with us, it is their decision, which will lead to them having a more enjoyable life, which ultimately means a lot more to them, than the extension of an unhappy one.
HEALTH LESSONS
You only think about your health once it’s in jeopardy
We all know we should exercise more, eat healthier and look after ourselves. Some of us eat too little, others too much. Some use exercise as a drug and others use alcohol as a tonic, some of us are sleep deprived even though we know this is unhealthy, we all have our vices.
I have learned that you are not your body, you are merely an inhabitant of it during this life, but when you experience a pain-free day you should be grateful.
When you go it, you go it alone
Chemotherapy is not for the faint-hearted. It is a severe treatment, its side affects are painful, exhausting and debilitating. No matter how much friends and family sympathise with you, when you go through it, you go through it alone.
I have learned that putting on a happy face during these “bad” days, sometimes even fools me into being happy!
I am still relatively young (well I think so) so I am sure my life lessons will continue. I like to reflect on what I have learned in order to be a better person going forward. As Maya Angelou so wisely put it:
